Dementia: how to deal with doctor appointments?

Hi,

My mother has recently been diagnosed with Dementia/Alzheimers and I wondered if anyone has had the problem I have had with the specialist doctor appointments. 

I have to go to appointments with her but I don't like contradicting her in front of the doctor.  Obviously she has no real memory of things that have recently happened or things she can or can't do but the doctor still asks her these things and she answers as if there is nothing wrong, which is usually 'Yes' when it should  be 'No'.

On one appointment I did start saying in a kindly manner ..No mum you can't use the oven, microwave or whatever but this made her upset (she is strong willed!) and she started telling me off in front of the doctor, which was not nice for her or me.She is still 'old school' and believes that we should not speak to a doctor unless spoken to, so you can imagine the telling off I get when I try to ask questions or tell the doctor something.

So after that at further appointments I kept quiet and didn't bother to contradict her, but then came a problem where the doctor was apparently writing a report (which I only found about later when my doctor sent me a copy) while asking these questions and of course my mother answered as if there was nothing wrong with her. 

After this I had a Carers UK person(very helpful) who came round to help us fill in some forms and she could not believe this report as it looked as if there was hardly anything wrong with my mother. Well it would, wouldn't it, as she was answering the questions...surely doctors should realise this! 

What I would like to know is why doctors do not ask these questions separately with the primary carer, before or after asking the Dementia patient? On one occasion, I took a note of things I wanted to let the doctor know about my mother and asked, discretely, as we left the room, if the doctor would read it after we left and the doctor said sorry but she couldn't do that as she did not have time (or words to that effect. )

Has anyone else had a similar experience? I would love to know.

Jan